A day after I published The Greatest Prank Phone Call in the History of Man, I received emails, instant messages, and phone calls from Luc, wanting to tell his side of the story. Now he will tell his side of the story, better shed better light on the unbridled awesome that was that call.

So without further ado, a reading from the Gospel, according to Luc.

–YHG

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Anyone who was old enough in the nineties to know that the Millcreek Mall was never gonna be the same again when the conversation pits were filled in, was also old enough to remember that for some unknown reason, there were a LOT of tornado warnings in Erie County during that time. The people who filled the pits may have angered the gods. And for an even odder reason I have yet to figure out, I’ve always been absolutely terrified of tornadoes. You may think “Come on Luc, who the hell isn’t?” and to that I ask YOU:

Did you stash your most prized possessions under the steps when you were seven because the sky got dark at three in the afternoon? How about jumping in the bathtub at mere the issuance of a tornado watch when you were eleven? I used to be that scared, I’m more intrigued now more than anything else, but Coons called it, I was astraphobic.

I’m not sure where it came from. It could be from how I first learned what one was. I lived in a trailer park in Lake City on May 31, 1985. I remember how purple the TV screen was, how black the sky was and how awful the voice sounded (and still does) when the NWS was giving instructions on what to do if a “tomato was coming toward you” I freaked and asked my stepdad why a tomato was attacking Albion. He corrected me and told me what they were and what they did.

“Tom? How far is it from here to Albion?”

“10 miles”

“is it headed this way?”

“I don’t know”

I wasn’t traumatized by anything he said but I DO remember it clearly.

So lets talk about a certain phone call…..

I was minding my own dammed business watching the storms on the weather channel, because it was BAD out. The grass was HORIZONTAL in the yard from the wind. There was a spinner watch and I was already nerved up.

I wanna take a second to say that I don’t remember exact details from this night. But I remember the call. I don’t remember running down the street, but I do remember saying to myself: “Why would Coons go to such great lengths just to do this?”

Because he’s a damn genius.

I used to be VERY outward and nutty consistently, but somewhere in 1996, his became more consistent and mine started to come and go as it pleases.

As I heard the well-done audio of his house being blown clear to Oz, I noticed there was nothing on the TV about it, but being a master of “what if?” thinking and scaring the crap out of myself was, and sometimes still is, commonplace (and even worse if someone nudges me), I thought that maybe the NWS just didn’t see it yet and put up a warning. At that point I blacked out and I remember nothing.

Way to go for the throat.