One time, while at Joe’s mom’s house, we came across a MicroMachines garage playset, which wasn’t his.
It belonged to Mindy, Joe’s ex, and was the only thing of hers that we were able to confirm was entirely hers and that she’d forgotten when she moved out of the basement.
Being the well-adjusted individuals that we are, decided to destroy it, and in the most spectacularly awesome way possible.
Without hesitation, we decided to pack it full of fireworks, and blow it the fuck up. That wasn’t going to happen though, since Tom Thompson* had used up all of his quarter sticks, so the best we could do was melt it, but we tried to blow it up, Cthulhu help us, we tried. I ran home and grabbed whatever fireworks were there, leftovers from Tom Thompson’s parties and a bunch of PA legal bullshit that I bought when I was twelve. We packet that shit tight with ladyfingers, M-200′s, Moon Travels facing outward to cut in half, disco flashers, and paper towels soaked in Aqua Net hair spray.
It was all sorry and half-assed. We were rightfully ashamed.
So I went home and got some old model rocket engines from when I was a kid. We packed a handful of model rocket engines in there, and that made it novel, fun and acceptable. We sealed every hole with study tape, to keep the explosives in and though we knew the tape would blow out before the walls, we at least tried. We laughed, because now the toy garage looked like it was all boarded up and abandoned.
“Look at it!” said Mike. “It’s all ghetto now!”
I picked it up and proclaimed it “The Ghetto Blaster.”
Joe keeled over from laughter in the spiteful schadenfreude that I had brought into his house.
We detonated the Ghetto Blaster to initial disappointment, before it erupted in white flames which completely and totally ruined all of its shit. Post-blast analysis, combined with out extensive fireworks experience brought us to conclude that the PA legal fireworks did the most damage, because the Disco Flashes have magnesium in them, and a little burning magnesium goes a long way.
* Names have been changed to protect those with outstanding warrants.