Yesterday, in a stunning blow to freedom and justice, gay marriage has been re-illegalized in Maine. This anti-civil rights campaign was received large amounts of funding from a number of notorious hate groups, such as Focus on the Family and the Catholic Church, in another example of the Religious Right being neither.
Sure we read in Leviticus 18:22 (and Leviticus 20:13) that “Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination,” but that doesn’t say anything about girl-on-girl. And why would it? Yahweh is said to be male, and therefore, by definition, is a big fan of lesbian porn.
Leviticus 11:12 tells us to avoid Maine lobster, and Leviticus 19:27 bans shaving and haircuts, but we ignore those. Why? It all comes from a little thing theologians like to call “exegesis.”
Exegesis is the process of sticking one’s hand up God’s ass, in order to make him talk. Since the Bible is the compiled mythology of wandering Bronze-age goat headers, it cannot be made applicable to modern day without creative interpretation. Say I wanted to convince people of something, like that I had the power to fight off a pack of crazed unicorns (Pslams 22:21), or to go about rationalizing the destruction of an entire race of people, like those fucking Hittites two doors down from me (Exodus 34:11-14). Well, the Bible is a pretty thick book with a large number of whacky statements, so I just need to leaf through it and cherry-pick out some lines, and then pepper them in to my next hate speech/homily to make my personal agenda sound like it’s God’s agenda, much like how I’m about to do.
See, in the Gospel of Mark, Jesus explicitly states that homosexuals should be able to legally marry in the State of Maine.
No, seriously. I just leafed through the one of those little green Gideon’s Bibles which tend to pile up in my office, and I saw it there plain as day:
Sure, your bible may be a different edition, and that line may have a different wording, or not be presented in my large, effeminate, cursive script, but it’s just as true as anything else the Bible has to say. God divinely inspired the hand of [this] man to write [in] the Bible. So although it was written by [this] human[‘s] hands, it is is none the less the inerrant word of God. This is true, and I know it’s true… for the Bible tells me so.
November 4th, 2009 at 10:20 pm
Funny my bible says you should send me lots of cash for my…ehh, ministry.
November 4th, 2009 at 10:29 pm
Here’s what I don’t get: How will letting gays marry lead to the destruction of the “institution of marriage” (aside from all those homophobic hate mongers being caught with gay prostitutes). I ask since I wouldn’t want my happy hetero marriage ruined by some gays in Massachusetts and I can’t figure our how they’ll do it. Will someone from the gay agenda and/or the gay conspiracy file for divorce on behalf of my wife?
Also:
Massachusetts Supreme Court Orders All Citizens To Gay Marry
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30475
November 4th, 2009 at 11:02 pm
The irony here makes me sigh….. elitist hatemongering talking about elitist hatemongering
November 4th, 2009 at 11:26 pm
Hey now, I never discriminate. I oppose all religions equally.
November 5th, 2009 at 8:21 am
I don’t see why common sense would be considered hate-mongering.
November 5th, 2009 at 9:46 am
Yellow hat, I love your tactics.
November 8th, 2009 at 6:14 pm
http://www.jesus-is-savior.com/Family/Parents%20Corner/information_for_parents.htm
God said sodomites are an abomination and it will always be that way.
They are not “homosexuals” and gay means happy.
The correct term is sodomite.
November 9th, 2009 at 1:00 pm
Sodomy itself is: 1. anal copulation with a member of the opposite sex, or 2. copulation with a member of the same sex, with copulation itself being defined as “sexual intercourse.”
So from my logic, gay men are sodomites, but gay women are okay, because their genitalia do not allow copulation as there is no penis involved. Right?
Incidentally, God (rather, the people who wrote the bible) also said that slavery is cool and that there were giants that roamed the land (http://www.his-forever.com/giants_the_bible_and_enoch.htm). So… yeah.
November 9th, 2009 at 1:04 pm
Kat you are correct. As stated in the main article, the Bible does not mention hot girl-on-girl action, so lesbian sex must rate lower on the scale of wickedness than other abominations, like boiling baby goats in their mother’s milk (Deuteronomy 14:21).
December 16th, 2009 at 9:01 am
kyle, atheism is not common sense.
February 14th, 2010 at 4:49 pm
I really enjoy this blog. Found it on Google and you posted some great info. Look forward to the following post.