today, one of my students (a female, 13-yr old yellow belt) said to me: “Sensei, i noticed that at the last tournament, someone had these scythy-things, but they had lights on them. They looked more like decorations than weapons, and i don’t understand why they exist.”

I immediately promoted her to black belt.

Have you ever been swept up in something that started out really small, such as a band, a comic book or a movie?  You connected with something in pop-culture that was inspirational or emotional.  You shared it with all your friends.  They loved it and shared it with all of their friends.  You blogged about it on the internet, hoping to get this band/book/film recognized by a larger audience.  Then it happens, and the original base that wanted it to go big turns on it 180 degrees.   Pop-culture is a fickle thing, and so are it’s fans. 

Let’s start here: The Walking Dead is an ongoing comic book series created by Robert Kirkman.  The book depicts the ongoing saga of people who struggle to survive a global zombie epidemic.  Loved ones were dead. Very few survivors lived, and those left are desperate to stay alive by any means necessary.  It’s easy to write it off as a genre book, but the story is undeniably dramatic and powerful. It shows the darkest side of humanity in spite of tragedy, and often leaves the reader wondering who was more villainous: the undead….or the survivors?  This black-and-white indie gem soon became a comic-shop staple every month.  It sold a shit-ton of issues, and soon garnered Mr. Kirkman several awards and accolades.  I looked forward to it each issue, and have followed it ever since the beginning.  I even have a copy of the very first issue, signed by both the writer and the original artist.  That issue will hopefully help out with my daughter’s college fund in the future. 

People would say back then: “this book should be a show” or “it’s a crime that this book isn’t an HBO series”.  Well, six years and 70+ issues later, that sentiment became a reality this year.  Frank Darabont (who directed The Shawshank Redemption) also liked the comic, and he pitched the show to several networks.  AMC immediately picked up the series, and debuted several weeks ago as the highest rated basic-cable show of ALL TIME.  Ten million people watched the finale on Sunday.  TEN MILLION.  I would say maybe a few thousand people actually were fans of the comic, so it’s safe to say that the book has crossed over. 

All of a sudden, the fanbase became rabid and started talking about how bad the show was.  People LOST THEIR MINDS because their precious comic book transition to TV didn’t go how they wanted it to go. 

For the record, the show is actually very good, many changes were made for the screenplay, and I’m just glad that this finally came to fruition. To the crazies I ask, why the sense of entitlement?  How is a book yours because you were in on the ground floor?  How do you have a bigger say based on how long you’ve known the source material?  Weren’t you trying to get the product out to everyone in the first place?   Now that it’s huge, why complain?  Answer: because its not just yours anymore.  Do these people ever stop to think that millions of people will rush to Borders to pick up the collected editions of the original book?  There you go, mission accomplished….right?    One thing i’ve learned is that the grass is always greener on the other side.  Perspective and attitude are everything. 

Here’s another crazy example.  Green Day did an interview awhile back, where they talked about starting out small at the local scene in Buffalo, NY.  From there they became insanely famous, then went back to Buffalo, where it all started, to play a homecoming show. They were met with viciousness from the same fans that got them recognized by the major record labels.  The band was told that they “sold out.” In reality, their music didn’t change AT ALL.  Just their number of fans. 

Here’s where it all comes from: Your favorite movie or book shouldn’t define you as a person.  I’ve met people who will actually be upset if you like the same things they like, because its a threat to the individuality they’ve created and imposed on themselves.  I would even go so far as to say that for some fans its a form of idol worship.  Wherever the heart, time and money go, that’s where people put their faith as well.  Sports teams, movies, music, books, porn, dependency relationships, etc. can become obsessive to the point where it becomes the crux of one’s identity.   

I am to blame as well.  As a teenager and young adult, I spent a lot of time consuming all things culture.  I watched thousands of movies, read a ton of books and listened to countless hours of music.  I became an encyclopedia of useless knowledge.  Some friends even today only text me when they want to know about an unknown Martin Scorsese film that I could recite the credits from and tell them the year it was written and released.  That’s because I had way too much time on my hands, and left-of-center pursuits.  Even today, I find myself investing WAY too much time and energy doing menial things, like being on Facebook, surfing the net, or playing videogames.  While I enjoy these things, I need to back off a little.  I think the remedy is to maybe use entertainment for just that: entertainment.  Engage pop-culture without obsessing.  Let it occasionally pass the time without soaking it up.  It’s not yours, and it’s not ”you.” 

If a zombie epidemic actually happened…..who would still care about the Pittsburgh Steelers?  Probably that redneck that still holds his breath for yet another Super Bowl ring and more obnoxious bragging rights.  ughh.

I was reading an article on a rock n’ roll website, where James Hetfield of Metallica (who have made an assload of money in their 30-year career as musicians) was quoted as saying, “any band out there would rather fly on a chartered jet, than sit on a bus.” The message boards blew up, people lost their MINDS….saying he was a sell-out for saying that. The comments were posted by the most judgemental and envious people i’ve ever seen. And I don’t even LIKE Metallica that much. Welcome to the Internet, right?

First off, riding in a jet isn’t selling out for Metallica. Making the Load and Reload albums were. Let’s note the difference: spending the money you worked hard to make, and living comfortably, is not selling out. Making a shitty album to attract new fans is.

Secondly, why is enjoying the money you earn selling out? Other people just look at that and judge, saying “oh, you make all this money, you can’t understand us.” Guess what? Metallica had to live out of a van too. They had tomatoes thrown at them in the 1980′s, when they opened for the Rolling Stones. They worked hard through the years, they’ve constantly toured and recorded albums. Let them enjoy the fruits of their labors….it’s America. The Beatles didn’t make their great albums until they had the ass-ton of money to afford Abbey Road studios. Great bands with great talent will shine more when they can afford the tools to utilize their craft to the best of their abilities.
I’m tired of people and bands thinking that being a bum is some badge of honor to wear. There’s nothing wrong with making something of yourself, and making money doing what you do. Especially if you do it well.  Note the Tool show below:

To the envious bands that were indirectly influenced by Metallica, yet hate them: You lived in a horrible apartment in the worst neighborhood, so you had to work hard and use the experiences on the streets to make the most amazing album ever, right? Wrong. Being poor doesn’t mean you’re going to make great music. You can be poor while sucking at the same time. I don’t have time to list all the bands that suck that don’t have any money. Gangster rappers sell out all the time, by ironically acting poor. There are rappers that have even hired people to shoot them, or they have used their gunshot injuries to sell albums. Like, “hey, I got shot…therefore i’m awesome.” No, you’re a moron that got shot because you ran your mouth to the wrong people….and don’t tell me you weren’t crying for your mommy while they carted your idiot-ass to the hospital. Coons would argue this is Darwin at work….I’m leaning towards agreement.

Some would say, “well, the harsh experiences living on the streets…bring about the best music. It’s all about the intense pain, and the emotion….” Eat a bag of ballsack. So, people with money can’t get their hearts broken? People with money can’t contract cancer, or suffer from addiction? On the contrary, studies show that people with more money have considerably more cases of depression over those that don’t have much. To quote Notorious B.I.G. himself…..”Mo’ Money, Mo’ Problems.”

The original Karate Kid was released in 1984, and was welcomed by a four-star review by Roger Ebert, an Academy Award Nomination for Best Supporting Actor to Pat Morita, and a HUGE embrace by the culture of yesterday and today. It was responsible for getting me into a karate dojo. Twenty years later, I have my own…with my own students.

Strangely enough, I am the new version’s most skeptical enemy and also it’s biggest supporter. It doesn’t succeed on a few of the levels that the original did, but it made some small improvements to a couple of my complaints after many viewings over the years.

The success of the new film lies with its purpose, cinematography and influence. It honors the original enough, while being its own film. It was tastefully done, and didn’t succumb to most of the Hollywood stupidity of today’s films for young people. One of The Karate Kid’s strongest themes was having a father-figure in our lives. As a middle-school teacher, I see many of my students without fathers or students who SHOULD be without their fathers. In his book, Wild At Heart, John Eldridge talks about the necessity of caring for the “father-wound” we all have from birth, and how our fathers are to be loving stewards of our personhood prior to adulthood. Too often, we see the negligence of that guidance in our children. I really connected with both Daniel (from the original) and Dre, who both lost their fathers and became vulnerable after moving to a strange place. The relationship between Dre/Daniel and Mr. Han/Miyagi was crucial, and I believe that this film will show young people the importance of having those relationships, and to foster them…same as it did 26 years ago. The movie “Up” also had a similar message, telling young people that even if our parents don’t/can’t care about us, we can find strength in those who would teach us and care for us.

The other success of this film is its influence on modern martial arts. If you ask most people about the arts, you’ll hear about either the UFC or a violent revenge film. I enjoy both of these, because I enjoy watching others get hurt (that’s besides the point). While entertaining, these fights and films can take away from the underlying purpose of where it all comes…because they are, too often, the spokesmen of the arts in our culture. This film shows kung-fu as a defensive art, not an offensive sport. Jackie Chan does a good job as Mr. Han, and provides a relevant line that “Kung-Fu lives in your whole person, and shows up in how you treat other people.” I really liked the direction of how he used teaching Dre respect for his mother and for others as the “wax-on/wax-off” training catalyst. Dre never picked his jacket up off the floor for his mother, so Mr. Han used the movements of hanging the coat, putting it on, taking it off, and laying it on the floor as the movement training. It was creative, and it took the concept of the original further. My favorite improvement was in Dre’s abilities during and after training. In the original, let’s be honest, Daniel was kind of a sissy…and had no business beating those Cobra Kai students. The whole tournament was Daniel getting his ass kicked, then getting lucky and pulling out a win. The tournament in the remake was very satisfying, and the choreography was very entertaining to watch. Dre felt like a worthy opponent the whole time, and Jaden Smith’s athletic ability was evident.

My complaints lie in the relationship between Dre and Mr. Han…..i kinda didn’t buy it at times. Not to say it wasn’t effective, but it was nowhere near the rapport between the two of the original. Also, I think they cast a little too young for the main role. While Jaden Smith did a great job, it’s difficult to have coming-of-age themes and love interests for an 11-year old. Blame it on the “tween” marketing America is caught up in. The movie was 2 and a half hours long….and took awhile to build up steam. I think it could have been edited down to a more enjoyable 2 hrs.

Overall, I think the film is worth seeing. It will give casual fans of the original a nostalgic trip, while adding some creative spins on some plot points of the original. Young, aspiring martial artists will take away some important messages, and hopefully be pointed in the direction of a good dojo….hopefully mine. The flaws are outweighed by a tastefully done remake that tries to honor the greatness of the original, which can be obviously remade…..but never REPLACED.

Today, one of my students had a note in his hand during class. Naturally, being the dick that I am, I confiscated the object in question and proceeded to place it on the digital projector in order to humiliate him.

The note was an elaborate rap written by a boy from whom you’d never expect an ounce of vulgarity. His behavior record is exemplary. The note went on to say things about a classmate’s mother that….well, it warmed my heart. The kid had talent. I had no idea that there were so many words that rhymed with “boner.” The pwned classmate in question was 85lbs, glasses, 4 foot 8, and on the wrong side of quite possibly the greatest mom-joke humiliation in my school’s history. The writer of this rap will speak of this event when he’s 45. 22 children looked in horror and awe at the evisceration of this child’s mother on the note. I left it on the projector for about 10 seconds….but it was all the time needed for everyone to witness the destruction of another child’s will, self-esteem…..and their very soul.

“Daaaaaaaaamn, he came at your throat, that shit was WRONG!” was all i could hear as i tore the note from the projector and immediately filed it for the principal. I went on to learn that these two had been writing raps about each others’ mothers for awhile now, and were finally caught by me. They both will serve 2-hr detentions, with this story in their hearts forever. I wrote all this because it reminds me of a tender story from 1994, when I took it to another level:

Kevin Nolan, of course, was my best friend through all of grade school, and through the first couple years of high school. From 2nd through 8th grade, we were forbidden to be in the same class. Both of our 8th grade language arts journals were dedicated to defecation. I’m not joking. 177 entries, all dealing with how cool poop was. We both attended an all-boys preparatory high school, and were incessantly bored with the tedium of academia. We decided it would be funny to write fake hate letters/death threats to each other, and try to be as creative as possible. I had typing class 2nd period, and he had it 5th. I would drop these notes in his locker after my typing class and he would do the same. Note: I was watching 80′s horror movies on a regular basis at this point, and most of my notes read like John Carpenter’s The Thing. ‘Nuff said.

My notes were of legend. Classmates would approach me, praising my many uses of curse words and wishing for Kevin’s untimely death (of course, i was joking) through the most horrid of means. The coup de gras came when I was having nose bleeds one day from the cold weather. I came up with the idea of writing something absolutely dreadful in my own blood, since it was available at the time. I know what you’re thinking, I need psychological help. You have NO idea. Anyway, Kevin LOVED the note, and his face turned red from laughing so hard as I told him how the blood got there. It literally couldn’t get any worse, so the notes stopped.

guess what? KEVIN WAS AN IDIOT.

He left ALL my notes out on his desk one day, and his mom and dad found them. Yeah, my day sucked. All I remember was Kevin coming over with his parents that evening. It was a set-up. I was completely oblivious since my parents and his were also close friends, so i figured this was a social call. We all sat at the dinner table….. and just as i took a sip from my coca-cola, the blood-soaked hate notes fell on the hardwood table. My face turned white, and I almost passed out. I tried to explain that we were just kidding around, but the evidence was overwhelming that shit just WASN’T RIGHT. Kevin and I couldn’t stop laughing about it, and both sets of parents immediately considered changing their positions on abortion.

At that age, you realize that farting is hilarious, mom jokes are priceless, and inappropriateness is a gift.

I’ve seen a lot of movies in my 32-year tenure on Earth. I believe that i’ve viewed enough of all tastes and watchability to have a compass of what is good and what isn’t.

Boondock Saints is not good. It’s not even worthy to be shit. It’s the mold that grows on my dog’s shit after sitting in the bucket for a week.

But first, I digress.
Years ago, I worked at Media Play in the video dept., as well as at Suncoast Video in the mall…… and Blockbuster Video. Oh, and also Video U.S.A. (you can see the pattern of my high school and college employment). During my time at all these places, all these idiots kept coming up to me asking me about Boondock Saints. At the time, it was unavailable, so i had to turn them away. But TONS of people were asking for it, whether or not i could special order it, and when it might come out. I became intrigued. After college, I got a teaching job, and thus, forgot about Boondock Saints (we’ll call it BS, appropriately, from here on).

Some time ago, it was finally released on DVD to the masses. To say that this movie was built up for me over time was an understatement.

Years later, during a recent trip to Maryland last summer, my friend Eric sat me down to watch BS. As I watched it, i felt my hemorrhoids burst while my testicles crawled up into my bladder. I’M SAYING IT WAS UNCOMFORTABLE. I felt embarrassed for all the people that had to walk out of the theater after watching it. For the first time, I wished I had grown up in an indigenous third-world nation……because then i wouldn’t have had to watch this piece of shit. I’d rather fight tapeworm than watch that movie again. It was a big ball of cliche that had no purpose. Guns! Shooting people! We’re Irish Catholic! Let’s say an Our Father in a church before killing 30 people so we look cool! Let’s misrepresent every good dark drama movie ever made! The characters made Catholics look worse than perverted priests. It took place on the “mean streets” of Boston, making me ashamed for the first time of being a Red Sox fan.

It features an “all-star cast” of no-names and shouldn’t-be-names like Billy Connolly (yes, the Irish comedian from Head of the Class). I pray for dysentery when I see this picture:

IT MADE NO SENSE. It looked like a film directed by that frat guy you knew that watched Fight Club without really UNDERSTANDING what Fight Club was really about. It’s the guy that had a Scarface poster on his wall, forgetting the FALL part of the “rise-and-fall” movie. A guy that watched Pulp Fiction without really GETTING Pulp Fiction’s incredible dialogue, instead re-imagining the characters in a Matrix movie. It was very hard to sit through.

Now……. i’m friends with Coons, and he’s sat me down to watch pretty horrible movies: e.g. Jesus Christ: Vampire Hunter and Hard Rock Zombies (featuring Hitler). I can tell movies that are schlock (like, they know they’re bad and don’t take themselves seriously). This movie tries hard to NOT SUCK, making it suck all the more. I’m going to go one step further and say that Boondock Saints is even worse than Intercessor: Another Rock and Roll Nightmare (only because i had to stop that movie 20 minutes in, and i can’t judge a film i didn’t finish).

I thought I was some crazy person for hating this movie. Was it because of the build up? Was it a hype machine? Why was I the only person that didn’t jerk off to this movie? THEN I went online, and realized that only retarded people liked The Boondock Saints. I breathed a sigh of relief once I realized that the rest of the sane world agreed with me.

If you REALLY want some more evidence of what a douchebag the director is: watch this film NOW on netflix streaming:

That’s right. They actually made a documentary film on what a horrible human being the director is, and what a talentless piece of shit he always was.

I thought i was safe. I thought it was over, and Troy Duffy was done making movies, but then I saw this movie poster and now i have to reopen the wounds………this movie came out this weekend. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Samara (my dog) has been lighting up the living room all night. Fuck her. My dog’s farts smells like rotten asshole, singed taint-hair….or possibly a combination of both. A Samara fart is best described as “a wind tunnel of poo breath.”

The nastiest thing about it, is when you smell it….. your brain immediately provides a picture of what the corresponding turd would look like (and it’s not pretty).

I can go on record to say that I love my dog as much as (if not more than) family. Yet, this doesn’t excuse her wretchedness.

Before you call me a hypocrite, I will concede that its karma for all the stank-ass shenanigans i’ve put out there all these years: Friend humiliation, pants-shitting, more pants-shitting, and disgruntled wife. All due to my years of tickling my sense of humor at the expense of others. I even have two hemorrhoids that bother the shit out of me (pun), and its all from pushing too hard to exhale the vile.

I can remember being very young, and I swallowed over half of a Flinstones vitamin bottle. My mom was crying as she whisked me away to the ER. The doctor reassured her that I would just have “a little gas”. Apparently this is my curse.

The internet has opened our eyes to the extremes of the human condition. We’ve experienced testicular fire-setting, skateboard injury montages…. and lots and lots of webcam whores. The ability to see virtually whatever we want whenever we want has pushed the limits of our response stimuli. If you want to see a Japanese girl poop on herself via complex yoga positioning, while in a bathtub…. it’s there, man. I’ve seen that shit……… you can’t go back.

It’s also a place where raw human emotion parades into our consciousness via YouTube superstars with mystical appeal. Let’s talk about anger. I would imagine that a Jewish child who just saw his parents sent away to their deaths in a Nazi camp would still show HALF the anger you are about to see in these videos. If I was kicked in the balls by a clown wearing steel-toed red shoes, only after viewing a forced-watch session of my wife in bed with Uwe Boll (Clockwork Orange-style, of course), i would be mad. Probably REAL mad. guess what: My anger is dwarfed by this child of Legion. You will meet him, and he will pull a part of your soul south of Heaven.

Today, I go on record as seeing the greatest series of moments in internet history. The following chronicles the life and times of a truly dysfunctional person. Allow me to introduce you to ‘wafflepwn’, possibly the worst brother ever. Yet, like Santa Claus, he brings joy to the world: through the exploitation of his psychotic Satan-possessed brother Steven.

To say that Steven needs a roomful of priests as well as a swimming pool full of holy water is an understatement. You have NEVER seen anger in a child until you see these videos.

Username wafflepwn (real name unknown) uploads videos of his brother FREAKING OUT over videogame-related mishaps. Allow me to introduce you.  By the way, wait for the 1:10 mark for things you can’t unsee:

Who shoves a remote control up their ass in anger? Anything, for that matter? Hitting his head with a shoe, he asks “Is this what you want?”. The answer is yes. You, Steven, have made 2009 a year to remember. After uploading this video on the internet, wafflepwn showed this to his brother via YouTube and recorded his reaction, where millions of people have found purpose in life because of it. It went as planned:

Oh…. it gets better. AN ORIGIN STORY? YOU WANT AN ORIGIN STORY? DONE. See where it all began! find out WHY Steven’s World of Warcraft account was taken away: what follows is nothing short of brilliance in manipulation and absolute penultimate terror.

Finally, fast-forward to age 16. Steven gets a beat-up jalopy truck as a first vehicle to drive around in, that his parents got him for cheap. His reaction? Wait toward the end for ultimate cash money.

Ok, lets talk about this. I did some research, and found out that Steven is NOT retarded, does NOT have Autism or any severe learning disability. Apparently, he’s moderately intelligent with a small penchant for burning the wick at both ends when it comes to anger management. Anyone who doesn’t want to beat this kid like a baby seal should stop what they’re doing, make an appointment with their family doctor… and DECIMATE YOUR BABY-MAKING CAPABILITIES, because you will be a terrible parent.

Would you like some dessert? of course you do.

I consider myself, with all ego aside, a considerably well-experienced gamer. From the days of owning an Intellivision in the late 70′s back at my parents to currently pounding buttons on my PS3.

I submit, for your consideration, the greatest video game i’ve ever played as of mid-2009: Bioshock.

It works and exceeds on so many levels. From the graphics, to the efficient use of the Unreal Engine, to the INCREDIBLE movie-like story (side note: Gore Verbinski, director of all three Pirates of the Caribbean movies and The Ring, is making a Bioshock movie…. which makes sense because its a horror movie underwater).

Bioshock is a thinking man’s game. You don’t have to play the same way through twice. It forces you to consider your moral compass and make choices that effect the outcome of gameplay.

The premise is this: You are an unknown man, whose plane crashes in the middle of the Atlantic. You are the only survivor, and arrive at a lighthouse in the middle of the ocean that takes you down deep underwater to Rapture, a “utopian” city that was initially created by an ambitious man to escape all political, religious and artistic persecution in the outside world. The discovery of an ability-enhancing product called ADAM (which you use in the game) caused the inhabitants to become addicted, morally and physically altering them forever (called Splicers). You show up after the downfall of this society and have to find out the mystery of Rapture, while figuring out who’s pulling the strings and why you are ultimately there in the first place. It has some big fucking twists, and will make an incredible movie.

More importantly than the story, the gameplay backs it ALL UP. It’s the best shooter i’ve ever played. And i’ve played half-life 2, i’ve played halo, i’ve played Call of Fucking Duty. The control scheme is easy to learn, difficult to master, and infinite in the combination possibilities. While using conventional weapons (your pistols, guns and chemical throwers), you have Plasmids: abilities to alter your DNA (the ADAM) and use attacks such as elemental or manipulative attacks. The characters are amazing, the story is amazing and the gameplay and options are amazing.

I knew that this was my all-time favorite game over a year ago….. but i had to play through it three more times to completely exhaust the reasons why it’s better than Resident Evil 4, Metal Gear Solid and Final Fantasy Whatever.

Do yourself a favor: if you have a 360 or a PS3, go buy it for under 30 bucks. It’s a steal. For PS3 owners, there are downloadable ‘challenge rooms’ that enhance the gameplay for ten bucks.

Oh, and by the way: Bioshock 2 comes out this October….. and all the blood in my body rushes to my penis when i say that (yes i have one, no matter what Coons believes).

Similar to Darkseid’s unending search for the anti-life equation, i have found the formula for true Hate. G = B + A/aS, where G = Gamestop (a videogame store obviously built on a pentagram or Indian burial ground), B = Bestiality, A = Anal, and aS = additional SHAME.

Gamestop is the biggest punch in the dick to a gamer for several reasons:
1) reserving titles leads to dealing with a douche clerk. Allow me to explain. I’m going to go out on a limb to assume that 90% of all gamestop customers on a day-to-day basis are well within the ‘male age 18-32 range’ that already know what titles are coming out and when. They also know when to reserve titles and when there is no need. It’s a simple economics lesson: If there’s a new Grand Theft Auto coming out….YOU DON’T NEED TO RESERVE IT, ASSHOLE. It will be everywhere. Supply/Demand, come on!

on a random Saturday, i walked into Gamestop to reserve a copy of Suikoden III for the PS2 (because Gamestop would only get 3 copies or so). As i was perusing the selection, some asshole manager came up to me and asked me if i wanted to pre-order Grand Theft Auto: Vice City. I told him that i’ve never played a GTA game, and that I had already reserved another game and just wanted to look around. Instead of saying “that’s cool, let me know if you have any questions,” He replied “I guarantee that you won’t find that game ANYWHERE when it comes out!” I told him that i didn’t care, because i never played GTA, and I said thanks for asking. He replied (obviously not getting the hint): “if you can find GTA: Vice City anywhere on day 1, i’ll give you any game in the store.” I said ok, whatever and walked out. I was angry because i kinda felt violated in my butt-hole. Why would you harass a gamer to that extent unless you had a quota of reserves to meet? Douche. Gamestop Corporation is run and owned by Satan. Satan cares not for gamer preferences, only making money.

Three months later, i was walking in Best Buy, and it happened to be the day that GTA: Vice City came out. They had 150 copies on the shelf, at least. They were organized into a fucking pyramid, that’s how many copies they had. I was immediately enraged, and remembered my moment of anal fingering by the store manager at Gamestop. I purchased a copy, had the cashier sign and note on the receipt that i did not pre-order the copy, and went back to Gamestop. I showed the manager the copy and reminded him of his ridiculous promise to give me any game in the store. The store clerks laughed at him as he wrote out a gift card to me for $25 (not what i expected, but hey it’s free) and immediately purchased Resident Evil for the Gamecube. Fuck him, and fuck pushy sales clerks that don’t know their demographics.

2) trading games in is a SHAM: If you buy a game there, beat it and trade it in….you get barebones bullshit for it. I remember trading in a $60 game and they wanted to give me $20 for it a week after it came out. No way. THEN, i noticed that the USED PRICE for the game was $54.99. That’s only five bucks cheaper than the new price. SHENANIGANS. The store makes, like, fifty cents or so on selling a new game, while making over $35 dollars on used games. And if a game is rare, they won’t tell you and jack the used price even more when they turn around and sell it.

My advice to you: sell your used games on eBay or some other website, you’ll get the money you should there. Know when to reserve titles, and don’t be afraid to lay into those asshole sales clerks for selling stupid shit to you. They should be ashamed of themselves for selling out as corporate slaves.